Thief of Virtue - Final Fantasy IX Edition
by ChibiRaccoon
Summary: This is just the book Thief of Virtue, with some notable changes, to suit the theme of Final Fantasy IX. Zidane was known for his strength of Virtue. Please read and review!


I couldn't resist. I was replaying FFIX and saw Zidane with the title Virtue and all I could think was 'He's the thief of Dagger's virtue!'

Disclaimer: NONE OF THIS BELONGS TO ME. I'M ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR REWRITING IT TO SUIT THE FFIX THEME. Final Fantasy IX is property of SquareEnix. Thief of Virtue is property of Bethesda Softworks.

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_Thief of Virtue - Final Fantasy IX Edition_

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Let me tell the tale of the Thief of Virtue.

In the land of Alexandria, in the town proper, there lived a Queen who was quite wealthy. She was a noted collector of rare summoning jewels. The Princess, Garnet til Alexandros XVII, found the whole thing quite tedious. However, she did appreciate the country's continued prosperity that the Queen's wealth provided.

Zidane Tribal was a noted thief. He claimed to be the best actor and thief in the theatre troupe Tantalus. However, many thought that just braggadocio. The Tantalus Troupe was only known for it's small plays in the Lindblum lower district.

Zidane decided that the Queen should share her wealth. Specifically that she should share it with Zidane. The wily thief crept into the Queen's castle one night intending to do just that.

The walls of the castle were noted for their height and unscalability. Zidane cleverly used his prehensile tail and a rope to reach the top of the battlements. Once on the battlements, he had to evade the Queen's guards. By hiding in the shadows of the crenelations, he was able to work his way to the palace undetected.

Entering the palace was child's play for a thief of his caliber. However a cunning lock with no less than 13 pins protected the private quarters of the Queen. Zidane broke only 9 lockpicks to open it. Using only a fork, a bit of string, and a wineskin, he disabled the seven traps guarding the Queen's summoning jewel collection. Truly Zidane was a master among thieves.

With the jewels safely in his grasp, Zidane began his escape only to find the way blocked. The Queen's General, Beatrix, had found the opened door and was raising the guard to scour the palace. Zidane fled deeper into the palace, one step ahead of the questing guards.

His only way out led through the boudoir of Princess Garnet. He entered to find the lady preparing for bed. Now it should be said that at this point that Zidane was noted for his handsome looks, as the Princess was noted for her stunning beauty. Both of these facts were immediately recognized by each of the pair.

"Doest thou come to plunder my virtue?" asked the lady, trembling with fury.

"Nay, fair lady." Zidane said, thinking quickly. "Plunder be a harsh term to ply upon such a delicate flower as your virtue."

"I see thou hast made off with mine mother's precious summoning jewels." Zidane looked deeply into her eyes and saw the only path by which he would escape this night with his life. It would require a double sacrifice.

"Though these jewels are of rarest value, I have now found a treasure that is beyond all value," Zidane said smoothly, a lecherous smirk in place. "Tell me, oh beauteous one, why doest thy mother set seven deadly traps around these tawdry jewels, but only a simple lock upon the door of her virtuous daughter?"

"Mother protects those things that are dearest to her." Garnet replied with a lost look out the window.

"I would give all the gold in my possession to spend but a moment basking in your radiance."

With that Zidane set down the jewels he had worked so hard to steal. The Princess confronted him with a proposal, to steal her from her gilded cage. When the captain of the guard, one Adelbert Steiner, asked to search her quarters, she hid Zidane most skillfully. She turned over the jewels, claiming the thief dropped them when he fled out the window.

With that sacrifice made, Zidane steeled himself for the second. He robbed the Lady Garnet from her home that night, their flight lasting well into the wee hours of the morning. Once aboard an airship's cargo hold, they stowed away in the pre-dawn hours.

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Don't give me that look. He'll steal Dagger's virtue. Eventually. Hah!

This little bit of crack was just too much fun of an opportunity to resist. XD I have played too much Oblivion and Skyrim.


End file.
